I think I died a long time ago.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
