3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
