i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
