you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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