Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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