The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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