I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
