I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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