If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
