Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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