; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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