What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
