I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is classic penis vs brain.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
