just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
