last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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