I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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