Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
