I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
