Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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