think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
