I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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