just come out here and I will go home with you...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
