we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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