I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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