I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
