ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
