You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
