I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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