Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
