I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
