My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
