Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
