if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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