This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
