Already got asked if we're dating
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I want a musical about memes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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