You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
