At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
