I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
