Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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