WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
