I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
