It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
