names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
