I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
BRING THE BAGELS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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