So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
