Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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