going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
