Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
