remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
