She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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