Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
